Our Own Daily Digest, Vol 1, #7

OUR OWN DAILY DIGEST
“All the New that Fits, We Print” Published Every Thursday, give or take…
November 21, 2006, Volume 1, #7 So it’s Tuesday (again)…so sue me (again)!

HAPPY DAYS ARE HERE (NOTE, I DID NOT SAY “AGAIN”)
Well, finally! The staff advisory committee hit the nail on the head this week, so to speak, when it promulgated their recipe for finding, persuading, and ultimately coercing a well qualified person to take on the (brutally thankless) job of Interim President of Gollyurdef.

One of the key ingredients in this recipe is that [sic] “the Interim President has a leadership style that is composed of a bottoms-up approach and be active with the outside and inside of the community. 'X' shared his views on how academic center approach is very important.” (Do you sense the barbarians are at the gate, possums??)

Your reporter, for one, is mightily reassured to know that the “bottoms-up approach” is now being talked about in public. Instead of the usual griping and grousing about the “top-down approach” in fashion here until recent events dictated a sea change, the staff now are saying that those of us on the bottom of the totem pole get to run the show! What could be more fun than that? Since there is no one lower on the totem pole than your reporter, I’m delighted to lead off by announcing some new RULES AND REGULATIONS GOVERNING OUR EMPLOYMENT AT THE CLERK CENTER. (And no backtalk from the top of the totem pole, please….Your days are not only numbered, they’re in the negative cycle already...as in "O-V-E-R".)

#1: There will be no more talk of this oxymoronic 30-minute “lunch break.” Thirty minutes for lunch is no break. It’s stress-o-rama! The only being who can eat lunch in 30 minutes is a toothless hamster—if there is enough water in his bottle to wash down the food.

#2: “Supervisors” shall have no more than one office apiece, and that windowless and out of sight of the sign-in board. They also shall get lost every Friday afternoon no later than 12:15 p.m.

#3: A good “supervisor” guides with flexibility. The best way to achieve cooperation from one’s staff is to sit on the sofa with an ice cold beverage in hand, put one’s feet up on the coffee table, and observe the goings-on with a benevolent gaze.

#4: Employees’ children and grandchildren are welcome to visit at any time when they are not in school or if the babysitter calls in dead. They may bring DVDs to watch on our TV/VHS/DVD combo unit, but we ask them to please not put their feet up on the coffee table. R.H.I.P. (Rank Hath Its Privilege)